10/28/07

revamp.

I'd like to take a break from the my relationship rantings to say just this: I am most productive and creative when there are 9 other tasks I should be tending to, i.e. new format here, yet I still have a book to read and a six page paper to write.

I also would like to express my disbelief in that fact that my next door neighbors are playing beer pong at this hour. It's 11am on a Sunday, dammit!

I had so much more to say, but like my sanity, it has escaped me at the moment.

"you better be gettin laid."
-EB

10/17/07

I'm expecting recoil from this...

last time: let's face the facts
today: what's true about (almost) every woman
part 3: courtship/maintaining that somewhat healthy relationship
part 4: ex's-how to fend off, deal with, or become
---

When I left last time, I concluded that women are confusing creatures that we men fail to understand. Now I'm not going to get into a discussion where we try to figure out why the man doesn't understand his woman, whether it's his fault for giving up on trying to understand because he himself doesn't understand himself or what he's doing wrong, or whether it's her fault for just being too damn confusing to begin with. Either way, I know I'm hardly qualified to to be writing a piece on the behavioral traits of the female, and as such I'm expecting the deserved criticism. So if you feel necessary, comment away.

What's true about (almost) every woman: or...shh, don't let them know we kinda caught on...

Now, I know the following may not be true for all women, and every relationship is different, but thus the semi-universality of this piece.

Women don't know what they want. And I'm not just talking about indecisiveness (though the trait rings true for many). When it comes to relationships, some women may be all like "oh I know exactly what I want in a man, I've got standards, etc etc." and some of those women will actually stick to those standards. I want this, I want that-I hear it all the time.

Now that's one thing women are perfectly sure of: what they want in a person (or what they don't want, sometimes). But when they finally find what they want, or at least something close to it, something clicks in their head, and all of a sudden what they want isn't good enough or there is suddenly a list of reasons why they shouldn't get with the person.

Vary vague case in point: Girl has a healthy relationship going. However, she is unsatisified because although this is a perfectly good relationship, she fails to see the point of staying with him, dumps him. Then a few days later she complains about never being able to find a decent relationship.

But it's a true story nonetheless. And with this same person, the cycle had been repeated multiple times (in the end, she just got back with her ex). Although this is an extreme case, it's not the only time I've seen it happen (the other stories aren't as interesting).

But not knowing what they want can stem in other forms. Case in point:(and she'll probably hate me for citing her), but I was involved in a relationship in which she couldn't figure out whether or not she wanted to be with me. Multiple times she broke up with me for whatever reason (but most of the time, it was because she was in pursuit of someone else). Okay, so it's pretty clear she doesn't want to be with me, right? Well that's funny, cause as soon as I begin to pursue someone else, suddenly she wants to be with me again. Hm. So did she want to be with me or not? She didn't even know.

The above is also a case of territorialism, another common trait of many women. Okay, so it's true for guys too, but the mentality of most guys when someone else enters their former (or current) significant others is "oh, I guess she's moved on. me now go sad and emo." But that's not necessarily the case with women. The moment someone else enters the life of a former man, then girls suddenly want to be with them even moreso than before. Suddenly, there's a desire to not allow the other girl (though 'that bitch' is the more common terminality) to 'win.' Shit talking commences, the hating begins, and all the blame goes towards 'that bitch.' It never does occur to the woman though, that she did break up with the guy to begin with, so maybe it's her fault he moved on? And on the flipside, it never occurs to blame the guy on the awful decision he made on choosing 'that bitch.'

Cases in point: girl breaks up with guy because relationship is in rut. No attempts are made to get back with the guy until he begins to talk to another girl. Girl is driven crazy, making statements such as "it's ok as long as he's happy...that girl is a bitch...it's fine as long as it's anyone but her..." ...and so on and so forth....case two: girl breaks up with guy, she moves on, finds another man, but at the very point he finds someone else: "oh, I'm so hurt..."

Okay, once again, extreme cases, but real life cases nonetheless.

Maybe all my interactions happen to be with the same kinds of women. Maybe my bias is playing into this because of my personal experiences. And I know I haven't touched on everything and there's so much more that needs to be written.
But regardless, I've run into these situations way too many times to discount them as outliers.

Next time: How to land the woman (or women) of your dreams, and how to keep her from landing back into your dreams

"you are full of wisdom =)"
-TC

10/10/07

because you don't want to end up "solo"

I've always believed that someday I could write a relationship column or article or whatever someday. I mean, I've read enough Cosmo articles and MSN relationship articles online to get an idea of what "works" and what doesn't. I don't want to sound cocky, but I'll say the relationships I have been in have given me experience with so many very different kinds of people. And believe me, I hear alot about others and their relationships.

And that above being my vague credentials, here I'm beginning part one of my four part series: "The Semi-Universal Guide: How to not end up solo."
---

It's a complicated process, these things called relationships. It's amazing the extents to which us guys will go to please "man's better half." There are so many lengths we all go through to impress the woman (or for some, the women) of our dreams. Believe or not, ladies, but we obsess about relationships and the opposite sex just as much as you do. Even when it is the most irrational thing we could ever do, we will always try to do what we can to get what we want when it comes to the opposite sex. It's dangerous. My friend once told me that he was told as a young child that the only thing that could ever bring him down would be a female.

Yes, us men are the epitome of devotion and persistence when it comes to women. The only trouble is that we don't understand why. We don't understand why because we don't understand you.

Ok let's face it guys. Women are confusing creatures. Think about your last few run-ins with a female you liked or were with. Tell me there wasn't at least one time where you thought "what the fuck?" There's a fairly general consensus that men don't understand women. We don't know why they get mad, why they get sad, what we do that's so wrong, why they say some of the things they say, why they won't call us, why they do call us, why they don't like us, why they do like us, why they don't understand why we get confused when they get mad and we don't understand why...and etc.

The idea that men don't understand is a trite and well-known fact. It's scientifically proven. And chances are, alot of us men already have learned that fact the hard way. But with everything and everyone I've run into, I must say that there are a few traits of women that are consistent. But that's for my next column.

Next time: What's true about (almost) every woman

"I thought by this time we would be having rampaging sex."
-BM

10/3/07

you've gotta be kidding me

To avoid having to pay the extra $.25 for laundry (and the fact that 3 washing machines for the whole building just isn't enough), my friends and I have a laundry ritual that involves dragging (or driving, really) all of our dirty clothes and washing them in the dorms. I mean, with laundromat-like facilities and a washing machine price that's a whole $.25 less than our machines, it's just more convenient.

Anyways, we underwent one of these laundry rituals the other day. Everything seemed normal, we had some unsuspecting student open the doors for us to the building and later into the laundry room, we put our laundry in, and basically chilled there for the complete 106 minutes that comprised the washing machine and drying time.

(Get to the punch line!)

Yeah, ok. So, this kid enters the room, walks up to one of the washers and dryers (they're a single unit with the dryers on top), and opens both doors of the machine. After a second of speculation, the kid looks up at us and asks us "so what do I do now?" A little shocked at first, we hesitated to answer, and confirmed that he wanted to dry the clothes that had just finished the wash cycle. We explained to him that he had to put the clothes in the dryer. So he did so. His next question shocked us even more: he asked if he should close the door to the dryer. We were of course friendly and understanding about the whole situation, and naturally assumed he was a a freshman learning to do laundry on his own for the very first time. We then asked him to confirm that. but the answer was even more shocking: he was actually a second year.

Let me warn you that from this point on, it gets worse.

Um, ok, so how did he do laundry all his first year? He told us his mom comes over every couple of weeks to do his laundry. Not only that, his mom lives two hours away. TWO HOURS. He told us he thinks it helps keep their relationship together or something.

SERIOUSLY?

I dunno. I think cases like that just epitomizes all the stereotypes that college students (regardless of book smarts) are still helpless little children whose parents baby them and who are incapable of taking care of themselves on their own. I mean, I've run into extreme cases before (I heard once of a student calling their landlord once so he would change the lightbulb for them), but this is up there. If it's one thing I've learned, it's that alot of students are smart, but they're not intelligent. They're learned, but they're not bright. Well, most of them aren't anyway. Now, I may not be smart enough to be at the top of my class or to have intelligent conversations about global economics in a post 9/11 world, but I'm glad I've got some common sense in me.

Parents, teach your kids to take care of themselves. Teach them how to do laundry, teach them how to change light bulbs, teach them that they should shower daily or at least enough so their roommates won't put a petri dish in their bed to attract fungus for their microbiology class(and successfully grow said fungus).

"Kids, if you really wanna piss off your parents, buy real estate in an imaginary place."
-Imaginary Places - Busdriver