Blogging. Why do we do it, why do we read it. Why is it so fascinating to read about other people's anecdotes, hopes, dreams, complaints or manic depressive rants? We all have our own problems we have to deal with, our own shit to worry about and our own dreams to achieve, so why spend time reading about other people's worries?
On that same note, why do people blog in the first place? Don't bloggers know that by typing and publishing their deepest darkest secrets on blogger, livejournal, xanga, facebook notes or whatever know that by doing so, they are pretty much publically stating their innermost thoughts to anyone who can connect to the internet?
well there must be a reason. I know. mostly because:
1. I am writing this.
and
2. you are reading this.
Now I am sure there are completely rational scientific explanations for some people's needs to blog or whatever. It's been a sensation for years now, the most popular sites for this hobby being xanga, blogger, to an extent myspace and more recently facebook.
Actually, what I really want to know is why people would want to write their deepest thoughts and insecurities on facebook notes, knowing damn well that in a few minutes, "(your name here) wrote a new note" is going to pop up on all 300 of your friends' mini feeds, thus making it known to the world that you're "feeling frozen" or that "the road is growing darker and colder every day now." (sorry for those I directly quoted, I mean no offense to your troubles).
Is it a cry for attention? Will you feel validated if someone comments on your blog or rant, telling you that they are there for you if you need to talk to them?
I also can't believe some of the stuff I read on these public domains sometimes. I almost feel bad for reading it cause it's like snooping through someone's diary. Gah! I'm invading your privacy!
There should be some sort of disclaimer on these blogging sites saying something to the effect of "by clicking on the 'publish post' button, your words are now the property of the public and can and will be used against them in a court of law,a circle of friends, or by some creepy stalker who found the link to your blog on your facebook profile."
So you frequenters of blogs, and subsequently a reader of mine, can you answer these questions for me?
"i post, therefore i am."
-JW
4/29/08
4/20/08
almost forgot.
oh also. happy 42o.
for those of you who celebrate, by all means celebrate. if not, then stay home and enjoy an unwarped sense of time and space.
"donde esta...the music room?"
-lady who assumed me and the group of filipinos I was with were Mexican and spoke Spanish
our reply: "you mean schoenburg? that's up the hill."
for those of you who celebrate, by all means celebrate. if not, then stay home and enjoy an unwarped sense of time and space.
"donde esta...the music room?"
-lady who assumed me and the group of filipinos I was with were Mexican and spoke Spanish
our reply: "you mean schoenburg? that's up the hill."
it's coming
Being involved in a community service program aimed towards promoting higher education to high school students usually leaves me with some sort of euphoric feeling. Ya know, one of those emotional highs or something cause I know I did something that impacted somebody's life positively. Yeah, it sounds cheesy, but I get a certain personal joy if I know down the line that what I did helped someone. Well, who doesn't really?
And so I write this after finishing off a third and what would be my last Bruin Life Weekend. What is that? High school seniors who are accepted to UCLA are invited to spend a weekend here on campus, sleeping in the dorms, eating in the dorms, going to classes, exploring campus and westwood and whatnot, all in the name of making a decision on which college to go to. The whole program was effectively prepared, organized, and facilitated by no more than the less than 10 real active members in PREP(http://prep.bol.ucla.edu/index.htm).
Yay us.
Finishing that off left me with:
-relief that it all came together, despite the lack of concrete organization beforehand (phew)
-a few more facebook friends (and the requests keep coming)
-a stomachache since leftover cheese pizza from the first night is all I've been eating the past three days
-shock cause these students were born in 1990. 1990? that's the next decade!!!
-a little bit of sadness knowing that by the time these prospective UCLA students begin their college career, I'll be graduated
-and panic knowing that by the time these prospective UCLA students begin their college career, I'll be graduated
...it's basically a realization that my time here is ending. The end is coming, and now it's closer than it ever was before (though it'll be even closer tomorrow). Upon hearing that I'm a graduating senior, the question of what I plan on doing with my life after I graduate comes up time and time again. And the question only now pops up more frequently as it gets closer to June. Do I have an answer for it? I do. It usually starts with "Um, well, er, I was thinking I should..."
I'm sure every graduating senior goes through this at some point. This is my turn, especially since at the moment, I'm finding it hard to put a direction in my life. Sure, I'll have the degree, but the real question is yeah, so?
Might I also add that it makes me feel just that much more older when interacting with high school students who are also class of 08.
At the very least, I can be glad that every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
"You know, Michael Jordan was a geography major. Maybe there's hope for at least some of you."
-Prof. Fan
And so I write this after finishing off a third and what would be my last Bruin Life Weekend. What is that? High school seniors who are accepted to UCLA are invited to spend a weekend here on campus, sleeping in the dorms, eating in the dorms, going to classes, exploring campus and westwood and whatnot, all in the name of making a decision on which college to go to. The whole program was effectively prepared, organized, and facilitated by no more than the less than 10 real active members in PREP(http://prep.bol.ucla.edu/index.htm).
Yay us.
Finishing that off left me with:
-relief that it all came together, despite the lack of concrete organization beforehand (phew)
-a few more facebook friends (and the requests keep coming)
-a stomachache since leftover cheese pizza from the first night is all I've been eating the past three days
-shock cause these students were born in 1990. 1990? that's the next decade!!!
-a little bit of sadness knowing that by the time these prospective UCLA students begin their college career, I'll be graduated
-and panic knowing that by the time these prospective UCLA students begin their college career, I'll be graduated
...it's basically a realization that my time here is ending. The end is coming, and now it's closer than it ever was before (though it'll be even closer tomorrow). Upon hearing that I'm a graduating senior, the question of what I plan on doing with my life after I graduate comes up time and time again. And the question only now pops up more frequently as it gets closer to June. Do I have an answer for it? I do. It usually starts with "Um, well, er, I was thinking I should..."
I'm sure every graduating senior goes through this at some point. This is my turn, especially since at the moment, I'm finding it hard to put a direction in my life. Sure, I'll have the degree, but the real question is yeah, so?
Might I also add that it makes me feel just that much more older when interacting with high school students who are also class of 08.
At the very least, I can be glad that every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
"You know, Michael Jordan was a geography major. Maybe there's hope for at least some of you."
-Prof. Fan
4/6/08
The Art of Throwing a Party
Hosting a College Party for Dummies
1st Edition
By Mark Solomon
Chapter 1: So You Want to Throw a Party
Chapter 2: Uh, dude, where’s it gonna be? AKA Venue Preparation
Chapter 3: Refreshment Rules, Regulations, and Recommendations
Chapter 4: Entertaining your Guests – There’s More to Parties than Just Standing and Drinking
Chapter 5: Problems You Will Possibly Run Into
Chapter 6: Unfortunately, You Still Have to Clean Up Afterwards
So it’s the beginning of the school year, and you’ve just moved into your first apartment. No more communal showers, no more diminished sense of privacy, no more stupid quiet hours, no more RAs and their lame programs. It’s time to celebrate! And what better way to celebrate than with a housewarming party? And later on down the line, who needs a reason, let’s just party for the sheer hell of it! I mean, you’ve got a nice enough place, and you finally decided you’re popular enough to throw a huge, kick-ass party, so why the hell not.
But wait. There are so many logistical issues to worry about. You’ve got to buy alcohol, you’ve got to provide music, you’ve got to make sure your neighbors don’t complain and call the police, you’ve got to make sure nobody gets too wasted and the EMTs don’t have to be called. Gah! So many issues and if something goes wrong, there goes the party and there went the night.
It doesn’t have to be that way. Now, I’ve been to a lot of apartment parties, and have thrown a number myself. I can tell you all the things that have gone wrong, what works, what doesn’t, and how to mitigate when something goes wrong. It all begins with the basics.
Anybody can throw a party. But how many people can say they’ve thrown a good party? You know, a party where everybody has a good time, everybody has (good) stories to tell the morning after, and when describing how it turned out, guests exclaim “fucking crazy!” rather than “it was aiight.” How do you ensure this? Just keep these elements in mind.
Chapter 1 – So You Want to Throw a Party
So upon deciding that you are capable of throwing a party, you figure you need a reason to do so, right? Excuses to throw a party come in all sorts of shapes and sizes, from housewarmings, to birthdays, to holidays to anti-holidays to going-away parties to after-parties to pre-parties…and so on and so forth. Sometimes you don’t need a reason at all, and can pull off throwing a party for the sheer hell of it. But sometimes the reason for a party will be a huge indicator in who attends. For example, not everyone is too keen on the idea of going to a going away party for someone they don’t really know, nor will everyone be too keen on the idea of partying to celebrate Shavu'ot (it’s on June 9th this year, FYI).
Also what must be taken into consideration are themes. In my experience, for large scale parties in which there is a lot of mixing of friends, themes do not work. “Dress up as your screen name” or “Wear green if you’re single, red if you’re not” seem like easy enough rules to follow, but when it comes down to things, unless the person really really really likes you, they’re not likely gonna take the effort to dress up as “LiL AzN SkOoL GuRliE.” In other words, ditch the theme. People come to parties to see friends, get buzzed, and take pictures they can later post on facebook.
And for those of you who actually listen and follow themes, don’t you feel stupid when you’re the only one who came in a green polka dot shirt and your old corduroy school uniform pants?
Chapter 2 - Uh, dude, where’s it gonna be? AKA Venue Preparation
Of course, one of the most important factors in hosting a party is making sure the host (you) has somewhere to host the party. It is assumed that the party will be in your apartment. Thus, there are some general rules you must follow in order to maximize overall party comfortableness and minimize damage.
1. Venue Location – This may be completely out of your control, but to ensure attendance to your party, you must make it completely accessible. A place that does not take long to walk to and is not hard to find is the ideal location for a party. Providing a map online to your place from a well known location such as the dorms helps to ensure accessibility, so unknowing guests won’t run into the problem of realizing they don’t know where your place is after pre-partying, and being too drunk to try and figure it out (usually resulting in the “well why don’t we just party here?” statement). Also, you’re not gonna wanna keep leaving your party to go downstairs to open up the gate to the entrance of your apartment for every single guest that comes in, so if there’s a code to open the gate, provide it.
2. Preparing the Venue
a. Cleanliness Preparation - There is one thing that must be universally understood when you host a party: Your place will get dirty. It will get damn dirty. So of course proper preparations must be made to help minimize the impending dirtiness:
-Always provide plenty of places to throw trash, i.e. trash cans in the bathroom and trash bags in the kitchen and near the door. Nobody wants to hold the same red cup or small shot sized dixie cup for the duration of a party. And if there’s no bag or can to throw the empty cup into, then they’ll just set it down wherever they are, leading to the rest of the party assuming that is the new resting spot to put their identical red cup, thinking that no one’s gonna get confused about whose cup is whose.
-The bathroom is going to be a favorite spot for many of your party guests. So, to ensure your bathroom maintains some sense of cleanliness, be sure to hide personal care products first (you wouldn’t want to know how many times your toothbrush was dropped in drunken frenzies that night) to avoid messes from occurring.
Provide something for people to wipe their hands on. Avoid paper towels, as they only create more potential for mess. If you clear out all your towels and leave nothing, the “why-is-his-hand-wet-after-coming-out-of-the-bathroom syndrome” will occur. Provide only one towel (preferably a large one) for people to wipe their hands on. Therefore, you minimize the amount of laundry you have to do post-party.
-If at all possible, avoid using utensils or cups that you will have to later wash.
-You super Asians out there will require your party guests to remove their shoes when they enter your place, as seems like the most logical thing to do. If you can manage to continue to enforce the rule throughout the night, right on. However, in most larger scale parties, the whole shoes off policy will be forgotten and eventually will no longer be followed as more guests enter (though if new guests coming in don’t notice the huge pile of shoes at the door, that’s a problem in and of itself).
If you are foregoing the whole shoes off policy, then expect to have a dirty carpet or hardwood floor afterwards. Hardwood floors will be easier to clean than their fabric counterparts, but damage will be done either way. Spills will happen, resulting in stains or morning stickiness. Vomit is a bitch to clean off from carpet too, and the best thing to do upon first discovery of the occurrence is to wipe off the excess stomach acid and partly digested In-n-Out, douse with water, spray with cleanser (or bleach), wipe, and repeat.
One way to help mitigate this from the beginning is to cover your floor completely for protection. Plastic covering is effective and easy to clean up afterwards, however it is slippery. While this may lead to many comical happenings throughout the night that increase proportionately with overall drunkenness of people, it also runs the risk of being ripped open, leaving your precious carpet exposed. Flattened cardboard boxes are also very effective, and even absorb a slight amount of the force of a stampede of footsteps your downstairs neighbors have to endure.
b. Preparing a floor plan
-Keep the main area (i.e. the part of your apartment where the main part of the party will be occurring) open, with plenty of space for people to stand, mingle, dance, knock out on, etc. It ain’t a party till someone starts gettin’ down.
-Provide plenty of places for people to sit. While maintaining a large open area, along the walls there should be places for people to sit down. While many like to dance, people love to sit even more. Also, those who aren’t enjoying the party tend to find a place to sit. Sitting also breeds conversation and eventual hooking up, so ensure there’s plenty of areas for that. So, utilize all your dining table chairs and maximize your couch. Coffee tables can be placed against a wall and be converted into very hard, but still very usable seating.
-Placing alcohol in a central place avoids confusion and centralizes where 90% of spills will be occurring. Also, avoid keeping alcohol in a place near the doorway. Doing so leaves a quick exit for those who like to steal alcohol from parties. While it may seem logical to keep alcohol in the kitchen, you actually want to keep that area clear if at all possible to ensure that the sink is readily accessible (you never know when things spontaneously combust, believe me).
-Unless there is some integral part of the party taking place in your bedroom, keep that area blocked off. If there’s one part of your apartment that must be kept sacred, it should be where you sleep.
-Lighting is a very important part of the party, as it sets the mood of the room. Nobody likes partying in complete light (and it’s so much easier to hit on someone or talk to someone when you can’t see their face completely), then again, nobody wants to party in complete darkness either. Mood lighting devices such as lava lamps or those lightning orb things are very effective. Disco lights and black lights also add a very nice effect. Christmas lights are your best bet, in my opinion, however. They are cheap (about $2 for a string of 100), are easy to place, and provide non-overbearing but sufficient lighting. If you can figure it out, hook up your computer to your TV screen and turn on your WinAmp or iTunes visualizer. The trippy variations in color leave something for people to stare at while inebriated. Avoid strobe lights however – that’s more of a thing for when you’re high.
-Speakers should be placed strategically-away from the door or any walls that are adjacent to neighboring apartments. This minimizes the amount of noise that travels outside of where it is supposed to be heard. (More on music later)
c. Inform your neighbors - As one of the most important factors to take into consideration for the success of a party, informing your neighbors ensures at least a little bit of safety from complaints. In a way, your neighbors control the longevity of your party. The more of your excessive noise they can take (and there’s going to be a lot of excessive noise), the longer your party will last. So what to do, what to do? Easy – let all your surrounding neighbors know that you will be having a few people over for a little shindig, and it will be a little loud that night. It’s best to knock on their door and let them know personally. Be sure to let them know to inform you first before they decide to call the police if they really feel like you’re bothering them. Besides, informing them beforehand gives you the right to say “don’t say I didn’t warn you” the next morning.
d. Provide some sort of ventilation – but be careful. It’s probably a given that a room full of multiple human bodies will become hot, stuffy, and ultimately very uncomfortable. It probably seems smart to keep a window or a door open, but be wary, since this means that noise will travel further, thus pissing your neighbors off more quickly and efficiently. Instead, if the option of air conditioning is available, then all means use it. If not, find fans, plug em in, and keep em going throughout the whole party. Your room will be initially chilly, but you’ll be glad they’re there when 40 people are stuffed in your living room.
Chapter 3 – Refreshment Rules, Regulations, and Recommendations
Ah yes, it sure ain’t a party unless the whole room just reeks of inebriation. The good parties are those that not only get your guests drunk, but keep your guests drunk. And the best parties are when those who don’t normally pass out or throw up end up throwing up, passing out, and not remember too much of what happened the night before.
Not all good parties have to involve alcohol, and for those of you who still practice prohibition, by all means, more power to you. I have heard of many successful SOBEr parties that have gone down, with juice pong and everything (cause it’s about the love, not the drugs!)
But for those of you who do wish to take the (underage) alcohol consumption route, there are certain guidelines you must follow in order to ensure everybody’s happy and continues to be so happy that it causes a headache and a stomachache in the morning.
1. Provide Choices – Everyone has their own preference for method of getting drunk. Some like the quick and painful nothing but hard liquor method, while others enjoy the slow but sure method of buzzed by beer. Then there’s those out there who think alcohol tastes like donkey balls (assuming they know what donkey balls taste like) and won’t drink anything unless it tastes like lemonade. Providing mixed drinks is the way to go for this crowd. Knowing this, you must cater to a diverse range of tastes, and provide all choices. Finally – you need alternative drinks such as soda, juice, and water. Soda and juice double as drinks for those who don’t enjoy any type of alcohol, and water is a must. People will get dehydrated, and as the night goes on, people will be drinking less alcohol and more water. Sparksnotes version of the previous paragraph: You need hard liquor, you need beer, you need a fruity mixed drink option, you need non-alcoholic drinks, such as soda or juice and most important of all, you need water.
a. Fruity mixed drink? If you’re stumped as to what a good mix is (or if you don’t know what a mixed drink even is) here are some suggestions:
i. Buzzed Light Year – 1 shot of vodka, 1 shot of midori melon liqueur, fill with orange juice
ii. Blood Clot – 1 shot of Southern Comfort, 1 half shot of grenadine, fill with 7-up
iii. Chameleon – one half shot of blue curacao, one half glass of orange juice, fill with 7-up
iv. Electric Popsicle – 1 shot of midori melon liqueur, 1 shot of blue curacao, fill with 7-up
v. Tootsie Roll – 1 shot of kahlua, one and a half shots of orange juice
vi. Mean Green Love Making Machine – 1 cup of orange juice, half shot of vodka, half shot of midori melon liqueur, half shot of blue curacao
vii. Hawaiian Knockout -2 parts red passion alize, 2 parts Hawaiian punch, 1 part vodka
viii. Doctor Soco – 1 shot of Southern Comfort, fill with Dr. Pepper
-each of the above recipes can be adjusted to create larger quantities
b. Also, people will not drink anything that comes out of an open punch bowl. Nobody knows who put what in there. When providing mixed drinks in large quantities, your best bet is to provide it in a large cooler.
2. Don’t be cheap – You’re at the store buying alcohol, and your eyes naturally begin glancing towards the bottom of the alcohol shelf. Hm. You can spend $9 and buy the painful Smirnoff, the burning $12 Cuervo, and the tolerable $10 Bacardi. But wait! Your eyes glance to the right, and notice that Prestige makes all three of these liquors! And all the bottles are only $6!
Don’t do it.
It’s a common mistake of first time alcohol buyers to go for the cheapest stuff available. The mantra “you get what you pay for” never rings truer than in the world of alcohol. Sure, you may be saving a couple of dollars here and there, but it’s simply not worth it. The cheaper alcohol you buy, the more it is likely to get people sick. Sure, alcohol is alcohol and in the end it will do the trick, but more even slightly less cheap name brand alcohol does a better job of reducing the burn than their plastic bottled brethren. You’re in college now. Graduate to glass bottles.
The same rings true for beer as well. While you don’t need to go out and purchase the finest quality beer that comes in fancy bottles, was imported from Belgium and brewed by monks, you should make an effort to have a little taste. For example – the most common and normally cheapest beer that is popular at parties but nowhere else is Bud Light or Tecate (about $16 for a 30 pack for each). While I am a larger fan of the latter, the former still does the trick, and should only be purchased in the context that it was the only stuff available.
Kegs seem like an economical idea, and it’s true, they are. You most definitely get the most alcohol out of a keg for the amount of money you pay. It must be understood, however, that kegs are messy. They are VERY messy. Keep this in mind: one’s ability to pour liquid out of a spout will decrease as their inebriation increases, thus resulting in many a spilled drink. Also: Kegs are heavy as hell. Transportation to an apartment on the 3rd floor of an elevator-less building is logistically impossible.
This is a personal experience of mine, and I’d like to point out that there are those out there who are even cheaper, and will actually go for this brand of beer called Milwaukee’s Best. Bleh! Milwaukee’s Best equals world’s worst. The moment you see this brand around, you know that either this host: has no taste at all or is cheap beyond comprehension. Now, when you see Milwaukee’s Best Light, you should question the validity of the host’s concern for their guests.
3. Cheap alcohol tricks that work – Not all liquor that comes in large quantities at cheap prices are completely horrible. The 40 oz. is a very common preference of alcohol, and it does the trick inexpensively and easily. A party themed around 40 oz. bottles of Mickey’s or Colt 45 boosts your awesome rating by many a notch, as it shows that you know how to get down, yet you’re not ashamed to show a ghetto side of you.
Also very effective is the cheap wine route. Wine is sometimes viewed as the classiest of all drinks, yet all those images of snobby wine enthusiasts clinking glasses are completely dissipated when you bust out the boxed wine or the 4 liter jug. Running at about $8-10 each, this is the best bang for your buck, meaning most volume of alcohol per dollar. The 4 liter jug of wine is just funny to look at and pour out of, and pulling the bag of wine out of the box opens the floor for a great drinking game (to be discussed later).
4. Provide LOTS of drinks – Running out of alcohol is one of the worst things that could happen at a party (next to the cops being called or someone getting hurt). Alcohol is literally the lifeblood of any successful party, and the moment people find out that the alcohol has run dry, everything begins falling apart. Those who were only slightly buzzed will never get past that stage, people will begin sobering up left and right, and newer guests to the party will end up sober and uncomfortable in the muggy, stuffy conditions around varying levels of inebriation. More availability of alcohol equals everybody stays drunk and happy longer.
So always, always provide plenty to drink for everyone, and then some. It may seem like you are buying in excess, and alcohol is pretty damn expensive, but I guarantee you it will be worth it. The leftover alcohol that is available after the party can then be used as an excuse to host another party the next week.
5. Don’t ever, EVER charge your guests for drinks – While purchasing this alcohol, you’ll notice that it’s very easy to drop $100-$200 easily. Breathe. There, there. I know, it’s a lot, and who the hell would want to spend that much on something everyone else is going to drink?
You!
Upon making the decision that you even wanted to even host the party to begin with, you agreed to sign your life (or credit card) away to wholeheartedly paying for everything. That is what a good host is. Don’t ever force your guests to pay to drink – you are not a nightclub. Forcing to have all your guests to make a “donation” to the “alcohol fund” when they drink your drinks will only turn people off. Asking your guests to “come prepared with cash” will make you come off as some sort of cheap bastard, and attendance to your party or future parties will be severely reduced. Forcing someone to pay also changes the overall mood of your party. People will be glaring at you from across the room, cursing you under their breaths, and when you’re not looking, flipping you off in the most creative fashion.
If you really don’t wanna pay, find some friends to split the cost with. No person is gonna want to pay $5 to a stranger just to fill their cup up at the keg. Shame on you.
6. Food and Snacks – Optional, at best. The more generous hosts will actually provide real finger foods such as cream puffs, bagel bites, or dinosaur chicken shaped chicken nuggets. Cheaper, but still generous nonetheless hosts will provide staples such as chips, pretzels, or trail mix. If you simply just don’t give a damn, you won’t provide food at all. Having food available is always a plus when it comes to parties, and you will garner only positive feedback by doing so. Food also keeps people at a party, as it keeps them from deciding to leave for a while to go to that nearby 24 hour Denny’s.
Let it be known though, however, that available food increases the potential for messes occurring, and also increases the likelihood of throwing up.
Chapter 4 – Entertaining your Guests – There’s More to Parties than Just Standing and Drinking
Socializing is fun, but anybody can do that anywhere. Socializing while drinking is fun, but even then, it could get old. Part of what makes a good party a good party is making sure that there is something for everyone to do. A good party is when people don’t leave, thinking they just wasted their time just sitting and drinking. If beer pong, a little bit of dancing, and standing are all you have as things to do at your party, people are bound to get bored.
1. Music – Parties have music. It’s almost an unspoken rule. A very popular hobby of many college age students is to go clubbing. Having music available at your party brings the club to your apartment (assuming you’ve been following this guide and have an open space in your apartment lit by colorful Christmas lights) by providing an atmosphere in which people can dance. Also, music fills the silence for those awkward moments when you run out of things to say to the people you are talking to (or trying to talk to). No slow jams though. This isn’t a middle school dance.
When providing music, it’s best not to leave your computer or laptop open to the general party area. Stuff will spill, and laptop keyboards are not cheap to replace.
2. Party Activities – People tend to get bored at parties when there’s nothing to entertain them, and especially if they don’t really know the crowd at the party. So how do you help that? Give them something to do!
a. Karaoke – If you’re lucky enough to get your hands on one of these machines (www.magicmic.com), the potential for fun just explodes. Everybody likes singing along to their favorite song, and watching or listening to someone attempt to sing brings together a crowd like no other. Nothing attracts people towards a karaoke machine more than some drunk guy attempting to keep up with the words in “Baby Got Back.” Just make sure to keep the karaoke separate from the party music, as the clashing of sounds isn’t pretty (for example – put the speakers in the living room and the karaoke in the bedroom)
b. Card games – Having a deck of cards available opens up the field to such drinking games as King’s Cup, the Pyramid game, and Egyptian Rat Screw (which just gets funnier as more shots are taken).
c. Some board games, like Jenga – actually Jenga is really the only effective board game that works while drinking that I can think of. Drunken Scrabble was suggested once, but I still haven’t figured out how it would work.
d. To an extent, video games – Such party games as Rock Star or Guitar Hero may seem like a good bet for entertainment, but the problem here is that it limits the fun to only 4 people at a time. With karaoke, you can at least get the whole crowd in on singing. Wii Sports is also very entertaining to watch other people do for a while, but can end up being very dangerous (ever see a wii-mote fly into a mirror?) and also suffers the same fate of limiting the fun to 4 people.
3. Drinking games – Drinking games are fun and creative group activities that bring together your party. Good games get the whole party involved, and create spectators. As may be expected, the longer a drinking game lasts, the more inebriated the participants become, and the more comical the game gets to watch.
Though I personally dislike the game myself, beer pong is a highly popular game amongst college students. Having it at your party will definitely attract a large crowd, however having a large table with many red cups creates the problem of lack of space for the rest of the party, and the potential for messy floors due to spilled drinks.
Slap the bag is a fun and interesting way to watch people get drunk quickly, however chance of spillage is high. This involves the bag of wine that comes in the boxed wine. You pull the bag of wine out of the box, a person then slaps the bag, and subsequently has to put their mouth
on the spout. They then begin chugging the bag of wine, all the while someone else is slapping the bag. Have contests to see who can take the bag slapping the longest.
As mentioned earlier, King’s Cup brings people together very effectively. Visit http://www.drinksite.com/game.php?game_id=35 to read up on the rules.
There are plenty more drinking games out there, and all have very high potential for entertainment. Just google “Drinking Games” to view the slew of games available.
4. Party favors/stuff to take pictures with – It is a given that at least 60% of college students own digital cameras, and that at least half of these people will be designated picture takers at parties. These designated picture takers will take every chance to, well, take pictures. The schema of most party pictures go in this sequence:
-People gather to take pour shots
-People get closer together, gather behind someone taking picture
-People raise their shot glasses to make sure glasses are visible in picture
-Picture is taken
Don’t tell me you haven’t seen this picture multiple, multiple times.
So how do we twist things up a bit? Provide some sort of party favor that would just be funny to take a picture with, resulting in EVERYBODY wanting to take a picture with this novelty. These items usually come in oversize form, though some don’t need to be big in order to be funny. Besides, more pictures equals happier guests equals more pictures on facebook equals people probably thought your party was pretty kick-ass.
Some examples include:
-oversized hats (or hats in general)
- piñatas – large piñatas of alcohol bottles or cans get bonus points
-a “lap dance” chair – as shown in this example (who knows, you may even get a few actual lap dances out of this too!)
-out of season decorations (pumpkins, Christmas trees, Menorahs)
-whipped cream – be careful with this, it gets messy and not everyone enjoys the idea of getting sugary substance all over their clothes
Chapter 5 – Problems You Will Possibly Run Into
So the party’s started, your music is blaring, the alcohol is bought, your room has been rearranged, your guests are coming over and some of them even began singing karaoke. Success, right? Don’t worry, you’re almost there.
So there must be an agreement made between you and your roommates (or if you live alone, a friend) that someone should stay sober enough to maintain some sense of order throughout the party, not unlike a designated driver. This person’s responsibilities include answering the phone to open the gate downstairs for more incoming guests, dealing with the police or neighbors if in case they decide to pay a visit, or quieting down belligerent people when they begin to yell “fuck you all!” to everyone and start throwing bottles at the wall. That’s not to say this person can’t drink a little and have fun. It should be more along the lines of this person cannot get wasted and black out. When the party host is down for the count, all hell tends to break loose.
That said, you must also understand that as a host, you will run into a diverse crowd of guests. Think you know your friends and coworkers? Wait till you meet them drunk. There are different levels of belligerence and sometimes just plain douche-ness you will experience, and it’s your responsibility as a host to make sure these “problem” guests don’t cause too much trouble. Some personalities you will definitely see:
-The Now Social Butterfly – this is the guy or girl at the party who really doesn’t say much while sober, yet a few shots in s/he’ll just stop giving a damn and will be willing to meet everyone who comes in. Saying hi to everyone, and introducing him/herself (sometimes twice), he or she will have comments to say about everything that everyone says. And most of the time, these comments are funny and make him or her come off as this really great, charismatic guy or girl. You won’t run into too many problems with these types.
Pros: He or she will improve the mood of your party, perhaps sparking up conversation between people who aren’t having a good time
Con: May convert into the touchy-feely over time
-The Touchy-Feely – This guy, when drunk, suddenly thinks he’s the shit, and will hit on anything that moves. And by hit on, I actually mean touch on, so really it’s more like he has no shame when he’s next to a girl, and will put his arm around her while introducing himself. Problems involved with this guy is that the girls he does interact with at your party will begin feeling uncomfortable, and will begin to question your judgment on your invite list. Also comes in female form (though that’s more of a rarity).
Pros: Two touchy-feely’s find each other (male and female, female and female, male and male…we’re inclusive!), away goes the problem
Cons: Everything I mentioned above
-The Emo Drunk – will begin to be quite open about his or her problems after a little drinky drinky, and upon hearing his or her own problems, will let him/herself go and begin crying in self-pity. The only problem with this drunk is that the crying creates a damper that happens to be quite a buzz kill.
Pros: Your relationship with this person may grow deeper since they finally decided to confide in you
Cons: May cause everyone to start crying along with them
-Likes to shout – like the name implies, this person likes to talk – LOUDLY. And won’t even realize it. Multiple people are needed to keep this person down, since they don’t realize that your neighbors can hear their cursing.
Pros: Can’t seem to think of any at the moment
Cons: Someone’s gotta walk this person home. If you and some other person is conscripted to this task, you’ll and this other person will have a lot of good bonding time (a chance to meet new friends!)
Be wary if you have a balcony or rooftop accessibility in your apartment. Inebriated guests do some crazy shit.
People will piss off of your balcony or rooftop if given the chance. Other, more destructive guests will take what they can and throw it off your rooftop or balcony (beach chairs from the pools or houseplants).
Chapter 6 – Unfortunately, You Still Have to Clean Up Afterwards
Let’s hope you didn’t drink too much last night at your own party, so you won’t have to rely on the pictures alone to help you recall what happened.
With all these preparations you made for the party before, cleaning up is actually one of the easier tasks, with the straightforwardness of it all. There will be stickiness on the walls and the doors, cups will be everywhere, your trash cans will be overflowing, your bathroom will probably look nasty, and there’s the possibility you could contract an STD if you walk on your floor barefoot. However, cleaning up isn’t that bad as long as you’re not the only one doing it (hooray for roommates!)
There are some things you will need to do post-party. First of all, if your neighbors left you nasty messages on your voicemail telling you that they heard every footstep last night, you’d better apologize to them in the morning. For those who you recall were completely wasted the night before, give them a call to ask them how they’re feeling – it’s the courteous thing to do. Wash everything – towels, rugs, couch slip covers. If you have a carpet and your friend owns a steam-vac, call that friend up. Finally, thank your roommates extensively, and compensate them for anything that may have been stolen or broken. Offer to pay for that broken picture frame, and buy a new block of block of cheese for your roommate, since he was such a good sport about it being stolen.
And there you go! A successful party in which all your guests were entertained and accounted for. You know they had fun cause the pictures on facebook say so, as do the stories you heard to help you piece together everything that happened that night. Sure, it may have cost you a paycheck and a half to pay for everything, countless hours of deliberation and planning were put into it, and afterwards your place looks like a mess, but think about it. You had fun, right? Everybody gained memories to share years down the line, and most of all so did you (if you didn’t black out), and in the end, doesn’t that make it all worth it?
Copyright © Mark Solomon MMVIII
"has anyone given you a hugh hefner-type robe for this?"
-RI
1st Edition
By Mark Solomon
Chapter 1: So You Want to Throw a Party
Chapter 2: Uh, dude, where’s it gonna be? AKA Venue Preparation
Chapter 3: Refreshment Rules, Regulations, and Recommendations
Chapter 4: Entertaining your Guests – There’s More to Parties than Just Standing and Drinking
Chapter 5: Problems You Will Possibly Run Into
Chapter 6: Unfortunately, You Still Have to Clean Up Afterwards
So it’s the beginning of the school year, and you’ve just moved into your first apartment. No more communal showers, no more diminished sense of privacy, no more stupid quiet hours, no more RAs and their lame programs. It’s time to celebrate! And what better way to celebrate than with a housewarming party? And later on down the line, who needs a reason, let’s just party for the sheer hell of it! I mean, you’ve got a nice enough place, and you finally decided you’re popular enough to throw a huge, kick-ass party, so why the hell not.
But wait. There are so many logistical issues to worry about. You’ve got to buy alcohol, you’ve got to provide music, you’ve got to make sure your neighbors don’t complain and call the police, you’ve got to make sure nobody gets too wasted and the EMTs don’t have to be called. Gah! So many issues and if something goes wrong, there goes the party and there went the night.
It doesn’t have to be that way. Now, I’ve been to a lot of apartment parties, and have thrown a number myself. I can tell you all the things that have gone wrong, what works, what doesn’t, and how to mitigate when something goes wrong. It all begins with the basics.
Anybody can throw a party. But how many people can say they’ve thrown a good party? You know, a party where everybody has a good time, everybody has (good) stories to tell the morning after, and when describing how it turned out, guests exclaim “fucking crazy!” rather than “it was aiight.” How do you ensure this? Just keep these elements in mind.
Chapter 1 – So You Want to Throw a Party
So upon deciding that you are capable of throwing a party, you figure you need a reason to do so, right? Excuses to throw a party come in all sorts of shapes and sizes, from housewarmings, to birthdays, to holidays to anti-holidays to going-away parties to after-parties to pre-parties…and so on and so forth. Sometimes you don’t need a reason at all, and can pull off throwing a party for the sheer hell of it. But sometimes the reason for a party will be a huge indicator in who attends. For example, not everyone is too keen on the idea of going to a going away party for someone they don’t really know, nor will everyone be too keen on the idea of partying to celebrate Shavu'ot (it’s on June 9th this year, FYI).
Also what must be taken into consideration are themes. In my experience, for large scale parties in which there is a lot of mixing of friends, themes do not work. “Dress up as your screen name” or “Wear green if you’re single, red if you’re not” seem like easy enough rules to follow, but when it comes down to things, unless the person really really really likes you, they’re not likely gonna take the effort to dress up as “LiL AzN SkOoL GuRliE.” In other words, ditch the theme. People come to parties to see friends, get buzzed, and take pictures they can later post on facebook.
And for those of you who actually listen and follow themes, don’t you feel stupid when you’re the only one who came in a green polka dot shirt and your old corduroy school uniform pants?
Chapter 2 - Uh, dude, where’s it gonna be? AKA Venue Preparation
Of course, one of the most important factors in hosting a party is making sure the host (you) has somewhere to host the party. It is assumed that the party will be in your apartment. Thus, there are some general rules you must follow in order to maximize overall party comfortableness and minimize damage.
1. Venue Location – This may be completely out of your control, but to ensure attendance to your party, you must make it completely accessible. A place that does not take long to walk to and is not hard to find is the ideal location for a party. Providing a map online to your place from a well known location such as the dorms helps to ensure accessibility, so unknowing guests won’t run into the problem of realizing they don’t know where your place is after pre-partying, and being too drunk to try and figure it out (usually resulting in the “well why don’t we just party here?” statement). Also, you’re not gonna wanna keep leaving your party to go downstairs to open up the gate to the entrance of your apartment for every single guest that comes in, so if there’s a code to open the gate, provide it.
2. Preparing the Venue
a. Cleanliness Preparation - There is one thing that must be universally understood when you host a party: Your place will get dirty. It will get damn dirty. So of course proper preparations must be made to help minimize the impending dirtiness:
-Always provide plenty of places to throw trash, i.e. trash cans in the bathroom and trash bags in the kitchen and near the door. Nobody wants to hold the same red cup or small shot sized dixie cup for the duration of a party. And if there’s no bag or can to throw the empty cup into, then they’ll just set it down wherever they are, leading to the rest of the party assuming that is the new resting spot to put their identical red cup, thinking that no one’s gonna get confused about whose cup is whose.
-The bathroom is going to be a favorite spot for many of your party guests. So, to ensure your bathroom maintains some sense of cleanliness, be sure to hide personal care products first (you wouldn’t want to know how many times your toothbrush was dropped in drunken frenzies that night) to avoid messes from occurring.
Provide something for people to wipe their hands on. Avoid paper towels, as they only create more potential for mess. If you clear out all your towels and leave nothing, the “why-is-his-hand-wet-after-coming-out-of-the-bathroom syndrome” will occur. Provide only one towel (preferably a large one) for people to wipe their hands on. Therefore, you minimize the amount of laundry you have to do post-party.
-If at all possible, avoid using utensils or cups that you will have to later wash.
-You super Asians out there will require your party guests to remove their shoes when they enter your place, as seems like the most logical thing to do. If you can manage to continue to enforce the rule throughout the night, right on. However, in most larger scale parties, the whole shoes off policy will be forgotten and eventually will no longer be followed as more guests enter (though if new guests coming in don’t notice the huge pile of shoes at the door, that’s a problem in and of itself).
If you are foregoing the whole shoes off policy, then expect to have a dirty carpet or hardwood floor afterwards. Hardwood floors will be easier to clean than their fabric counterparts, but damage will be done either way. Spills will happen, resulting in stains or morning stickiness. Vomit is a bitch to clean off from carpet too, and the best thing to do upon first discovery of the occurrence is to wipe off the excess stomach acid and partly digested In-n-Out, douse with water, spray with cleanser (or bleach), wipe, and repeat.
One way to help mitigate this from the beginning is to cover your floor completely for protection. Plastic covering is effective and easy to clean up afterwards, however it is slippery. While this may lead to many comical happenings throughout the night that increase proportionately with overall drunkenness of people, it also runs the risk of being ripped open, leaving your precious carpet exposed. Flattened cardboard boxes are also very effective, and even absorb a slight amount of the force of a stampede of footsteps your downstairs neighbors have to endure.
b. Preparing a floor plan
-Keep the main area (i.e. the part of your apartment where the main part of the party will be occurring) open, with plenty of space for people to stand, mingle, dance, knock out on, etc. It ain’t a party till someone starts gettin’ down.
-Provide plenty of places for people to sit. While maintaining a large open area, along the walls there should be places for people to sit down. While many like to dance, people love to sit even more. Also, those who aren’t enjoying the party tend to find a place to sit. Sitting also breeds conversation and eventual hooking up, so ensure there’s plenty of areas for that. So, utilize all your dining table chairs and maximize your couch. Coffee tables can be placed against a wall and be converted into very hard, but still very usable seating.
-Placing alcohol in a central place avoids confusion and centralizes where 90% of spills will be occurring. Also, avoid keeping alcohol in a place near the doorway. Doing so leaves a quick exit for those who like to steal alcohol from parties. While it may seem logical to keep alcohol in the kitchen, you actually want to keep that area clear if at all possible to ensure that the sink is readily accessible (you never know when things spontaneously combust, believe me).
-Unless there is some integral part of the party taking place in your bedroom, keep that area blocked off. If there’s one part of your apartment that must be kept sacred, it should be where you sleep.
-Lighting is a very important part of the party, as it sets the mood of the room. Nobody likes partying in complete light (and it’s so much easier to hit on someone or talk to someone when you can’t see their face completely), then again, nobody wants to party in complete darkness either. Mood lighting devices such as lava lamps or those lightning orb things are very effective. Disco lights and black lights also add a very nice effect. Christmas lights are your best bet, in my opinion, however. They are cheap (about $2 for a string of 100), are easy to place, and provide non-overbearing but sufficient lighting. If you can figure it out, hook up your computer to your TV screen and turn on your WinAmp or iTunes visualizer. The trippy variations in color leave something for people to stare at while inebriated. Avoid strobe lights however – that’s more of a thing for when you’re high.
-Speakers should be placed strategically-away from the door or any walls that are adjacent to neighboring apartments. This minimizes the amount of noise that travels outside of where it is supposed to be heard. (More on music later)
c. Inform your neighbors - As one of the most important factors to take into consideration for the success of a party, informing your neighbors ensures at least a little bit of safety from complaints. In a way, your neighbors control the longevity of your party. The more of your excessive noise they can take (and there’s going to be a lot of excessive noise), the longer your party will last. So what to do, what to do? Easy – let all your surrounding neighbors know that you will be having a few people over for a little shindig, and it will be a little loud that night. It’s best to knock on their door and let them know personally. Be sure to let them know to inform you first before they decide to call the police if they really feel like you’re bothering them. Besides, informing them beforehand gives you the right to say “don’t say I didn’t warn you” the next morning.
d. Provide some sort of ventilation – but be careful. It’s probably a given that a room full of multiple human bodies will become hot, stuffy, and ultimately very uncomfortable. It probably seems smart to keep a window or a door open, but be wary, since this means that noise will travel further, thus pissing your neighbors off more quickly and efficiently. Instead, if the option of air conditioning is available, then all means use it. If not, find fans, plug em in, and keep em going throughout the whole party. Your room will be initially chilly, but you’ll be glad they’re there when 40 people are stuffed in your living room.
Chapter 3 – Refreshment Rules, Regulations, and Recommendations
Ah yes, it sure ain’t a party unless the whole room just reeks of inebriation. The good parties are those that not only get your guests drunk, but keep your guests drunk. And the best parties are when those who don’t normally pass out or throw up end up throwing up, passing out, and not remember too much of what happened the night before.
Not all good parties have to involve alcohol, and for those of you who still practice prohibition, by all means, more power to you. I have heard of many successful SOBEr parties that have gone down, with juice pong and everything (cause it’s about the love, not the drugs!)
But for those of you who do wish to take the (underage) alcohol consumption route, there are certain guidelines you must follow in order to ensure everybody’s happy and continues to be so happy that it causes a headache and a stomachache in the morning.
1. Provide Choices – Everyone has their own preference for method of getting drunk. Some like the quick and painful nothing but hard liquor method, while others enjoy the slow but sure method of buzzed by beer. Then there’s those out there who think alcohol tastes like donkey balls (assuming they know what donkey balls taste like) and won’t drink anything unless it tastes like lemonade. Providing mixed drinks is the way to go for this crowd. Knowing this, you must cater to a diverse range of tastes, and provide all choices. Finally – you need alternative drinks such as soda, juice, and water. Soda and juice double as drinks for those who don’t enjoy any type of alcohol, and water is a must. People will get dehydrated, and as the night goes on, people will be drinking less alcohol and more water. Sparksnotes version of the previous paragraph: You need hard liquor, you need beer, you need a fruity mixed drink option, you need non-alcoholic drinks, such as soda or juice and most important of all, you need water.
a. Fruity mixed drink? If you’re stumped as to what a good mix is (or if you don’t know what a mixed drink even is) here are some suggestions:
i. Buzzed Light Year – 1 shot of vodka, 1 shot of midori melon liqueur, fill with orange juice
ii. Blood Clot – 1 shot of Southern Comfort, 1 half shot of grenadine, fill with 7-up
iii. Chameleon – one half shot of blue curacao, one half glass of orange juice, fill with 7-up
iv. Electric Popsicle – 1 shot of midori melon liqueur, 1 shot of blue curacao, fill with 7-up
v. Tootsie Roll – 1 shot of kahlua, one and a half shots of orange juice
vi. Mean Green Love Making Machine – 1 cup of orange juice, half shot of vodka, half shot of midori melon liqueur, half shot of blue curacao
vii. Hawaiian Knockout -2 parts red passion alize, 2 parts Hawaiian punch, 1 part vodka
viii. Doctor Soco – 1 shot of Southern Comfort, fill with Dr. Pepper
-each of the above recipes can be adjusted to create larger quantities
b. Also, people will not drink anything that comes out of an open punch bowl. Nobody knows who put what in there. When providing mixed drinks in large quantities, your best bet is to provide it in a large cooler.
2. Don’t be cheap – You’re at the store buying alcohol, and your eyes naturally begin glancing towards the bottom of the alcohol shelf. Hm. You can spend $9 and buy the painful Smirnoff, the burning $12 Cuervo, and the tolerable $10 Bacardi. But wait! Your eyes glance to the right, and notice that Prestige makes all three of these liquors! And all the bottles are only $6!
Don’t do it.
It’s a common mistake of first time alcohol buyers to go for the cheapest stuff available. The mantra “you get what you pay for” never rings truer than in the world of alcohol. Sure, you may be saving a couple of dollars here and there, but it’s simply not worth it. The cheaper alcohol you buy, the more it is likely to get people sick. Sure, alcohol is alcohol and in the end it will do the trick, but more even slightly less cheap name brand alcohol does a better job of reducing the burn than their plastic bottled brethren. You’re in college now. Graduate to glass bottles.
The same rings true for beer as well. While you don’t need to go out and purchase the finest quality beer that comes in fancy bottles, was imported from Belgium and brewed by monks, you should make an effort to have a little taste. For example – the most common and normally cheapest beer that is popular at parties but nowhere else is Bud Light or Tecate (about $16 for a 30 pack for each). While I am a larger fan of the latter, the former still does the trick, and should only be purchased in the context that it was the only stuff available.
Kegs seem like an economical idea, and it’s true, they are. You most definitely get the most alcohol out of a keg for the amount of money you pay. It must be understood, however, that kegs are messy. They are VERY messy. Keep this in mind: one’s ability to pour liquid out of a spout will decrease as their inebriation increases, thus resulting in many a spilled drink. Also: Kegs are heavy as hell. Transportation to an apartment on the 3rd floor of an elevator-less building is logistically impossible.
This is a personal experience of mine, and I’d like to point out that there are those out there who are even cheaper, and will actually go for this brand of beer called Milwaukee’s Best. Bleh! Milwaukee’s Best equals world’s worst. The moment you see this brand around, you know that either this host: has no taste at all or is cheap beyond comprehension. Now, when you see Milwaukee’s Best Light, you should question the validity of the host’s concern for their guests.
3. Cheap alcohol tricks that work – Not all liquor that comes in large quantities at cheap prices are completely horrible. The 40 oz. is a very common preference of alcohol, and it does the trick inexpensively and easily. A party themed around 40 oz. bottles of Mickey’s or Colt 45 boosts your awesome rating by many a notch, as it shows that you know how to get down, yet you’re not ashamed to show a ghetto side of you.
Also very effective is the cheap wine route. Wine is sometimes viewed as the classiest of all drinks, yet all those images of snobby wine enthusiasts clinking glasses are completely dissipated when you bust out the boxed wine or the 4 liter jug. Running at about $8-10 each, this is the best bang for your buck, meaning most volume of alcohol per dollar. The 4 liter jug of wine is just funny to look at and pour out of, and pulling the bag of wine out of the box opens the floor for a great drinking game (to be discussed later).
4. Provide LOTS of drinks – Running out of alcohol is one of the worst things that could happen at a party (next to the cops being called or someone getting hurt). Alcohol is literally the lifeblood of any successful party, and the moment people find out that the alcohol has run dry, everything begins falling apart. Those who were only slightly buzzed will never get past that stage, people will begin sobering up left and right, and newer guests to the party will end up sober and uncomfortable in the muggy, stuffy conditions around varying levels of inebriation. More availability of alcohol equals everybody stays drunk and happy longer.
So always, always provide plenty to drink for everyone, and then some. It may seem like you are buying in excess, and alcohol is pretty damn expensive, but I guarantee you it will be worth it. The leftover alcohol that is available after the party can then be used as an excuse to host another party the next week.
5. Don’t ever, EVER charge your guests for drinks – While purchasing this alcohol, you’ll notice that it’s very easy to drop $100-$200 easily. Breathe. There, there. I know, it’s a lot, and who the hell would want to spend that much on something everyone else is going to drink?
You!
Upon making the decision that you even wanted to even host the party to begin with, you agreed to sign your life (or credit card) away to wholeheartedly paying for everything. That is what a good host is. Don’t ever force your guests to pay to drink – you are not a nightclub. Forcing to have all your guests to make a “donation” to the “alcohol fund” when they drink your drinks will only turn people off. Asking your guests to “come prepared with cash” will make you come off as some sort of cheap bastard, and attendance to your party or future parties will be severely reduced. Forcing someone to pay also changes the overall mood of your party. People will be glaring at you from across the room, cursing you under their breaths, and when you’re not looking, flipping you off in the most creative fashion.
If you really don’t wanna pay, find some friends to split the cost with. No person is gonna want to pay $5 to a stranger just to fill their cup up at the keg. Shame on you.
6. Food and Snacks – Optional, at best. The more generous hosts will actually provide real finger foods such as cream puffs, bagel bites, or dinosaur chicken shaped chicken nuggets. Cheaper, but still generous nonetheless hosts will provide staples such as chips, pretzels, or trail mix. If you simply just don’t give a damn, you won’t provide food at all. Having food available is always a plus when it comes to parties, and you will garner only positive feedback by doing so. Food also keeps people at a party, as it keeps them from deciding to leave for a while to go to that nearby 24 hour Denny’s.
Let it be known though, however, that available food increases the potential for messes occurring, and also increases the likelihood of throwing up.
Chapter 4 – Entertaining your Guests – There’s More to Parties than Just Standing and Drinking
Socializing is fun, but anybody can do that anywhere. Socializing while drinking is fun, but even then, it could get old. Part of what makes a good party a good party is making sure that there is something for everyone to do. A good party is when people don’t leave, thinking they just wasted their time just sitting and drinking. If beer pong, a little bit of dancing, and standing are all you have as things to do at your party, people are bound to get bored.
1. Music – Parties have music. It’s almost an unspoken rule. A very popular hobby of many college age students is to go clubbing. Having music available at your party brings the club to your apartment (assuming you’ve been following this guide and have an open space in your apartment lit by colorful Christmas lights) by providing an atmosphere in which people can dance. Also, music fills the silence for those awkward moments when you run out of things to say to the people you are talking to (or trying to talk to). No slow jams though. This isn’t a middle school dance.
When providing music, it’s best not to leave your computer or laptop open to the general party area. Stuff will spill, and laptop keyboards are not cheap to replace.
2. Party Activities – People tend to get bored at parties when there’s nothing to entertain them, and especially if they don’t really know the crowd at the party. So how do you help that? Give them something to do!
a. Karaoke – If you’re lucky enough to get your hands on one of these machines (www.magicmic.com), the potential for fun just explodes. Everybody likes singing along to their favorite song, and watching or listening to someone attempt to sing brings together a crowd like no other. Nothing attracts people towards a karaoke machine more than some drunk guy attempting to keep up with the words in “Baby Got Back.” Just make sure to keep the karaoke separate from the party music, as the clashing of sounds isn’t pretty (for example – put the speakers in the living room and the karaoke in the bedroom)
b. Card games – Having a deck of cards available opens up the field to such drinking games as King’s Cup, the Pyramid game, and Egyptian Rat Screw (which just gets funnier as more shots are taken).
c. Some board games, like Jenga – actually Jenga is really the only effective board game that works while drinking that I can think of. Drunken Scrabble was suggested once, but I still haven’t figured out how it would work.
d. To an extent, video games – Such party games as Rock Star or Guitar Hero may seem like a good bet for entertainment, but the problem here is that it limits the fun to only 4 people at a time. With karaoke, you can at least get the whole crowd in on singing. Wii Sports is also very entertaining to watch other people do for a while, but can end up being very dangerous (ever see a wii-mote fly into a mirror?) and also suffers the same fate of limiting the fun to 4 people.
3. Drinking games – Drinking games are fun and creative group activities that bring together your party. Good games get the whole party involved, and create spectators. As may be expected, the longer a drinking game lasts, the more inebriated the participants become, and the more comical the game gets to watch.
Though I personally dislike the game myself, beer pong is a highly popular game amongst college students. Having it at your party will definitely attract a large crowd, however having a large table with many red cups creates the problem of lack of space for the rest of the party, and the potential for messy floors due to spilled drinks.
Slap the bag is a fun and interesting way to watch people get drunk quickly, however chance of spillage is high. This involves the bag of wine that comes in the boxed wine. You pull the bag of wine out of the box, a person then slaps the bag, and subsequently has to put their mouth
on the spout. They then begin chugging the bag of wine, all the while someone else is slapping the bag. Have contests to see who can take the bag slapping the longest.As mentioned earlier, King’s Cup brings people together very effectively. Visit http://www.drinksite.com/game.php?game_id=35 to read up on the rules.
There are plenty more drinking games out there, and all have very high potential for entertainment. Just google “Drinking Games” to view the slew of games available.
4. Party favors/stuff to take pictures with – It is a given that at least 60% of college students own digital cameras, and that at least half of these people will be designated picture takers at parties. These designated picture takers will take every chance to, well, take pictures. The schema of most party pictures go in this sequence:
-People gather to take pour shots
-People get closer together, gather behind someone taking picture
-People raise their shot glasses to make sure glasses are visible in picture
-Picture is taken
Don’t tell me you haven’t seen this picture multiple, multiple times.
So how do we twist things up a bit? Provide some sort of party favor that would just be funny to take a picture with, resulting in EVERYBODY wanting to take a picture with this novelty. These items usually come in oversize form, though some don’t need to be big in order to be funny. Besides, more pictures equals happier guests equals more pictures on facebook equals people probably thought your party was pretty kick-ass.
Some examples include:
-oversized hats (or hats in general)
- piñatas – large piñatas of alcohol bottles or cans get bonus points
-a “lap dance” chair – as shown in this example (who knows, you may even get a few actual lap dances out of this too!)
-out of season decorations (pumpkins, Christmas trees, Menorahs)
-whipped cream – be careful with this, it gets messy and not everyone enjoys the idea of getting sugary substance all over their clothes
Chapter 5 – Problems You Will Possibly Run Into
So the party’s started, your music is blaring, the alcohol is bought, your room has been rearranged, your guests are coming over and some of them even began singing karaoke. Success, right? Don’t worry, you’re almost there.
So there must be an agreement made between you and your roommates (or if you live alone, a friend) that someone should stay sober enough to maintain some sense of order throughout the party, not unlike a designated driver. This person’s responsibilities include answering the phone to open the gate downstairs for more incoming guests, dealing with the police or neighbors if in case they decide to pay a visit, or quieting down belligerent people when they begin to yell “fuck you all!” to everyone and start throwing bottles at the wall. That’s not to say this person can’t drink a little and have fun. It should be more along the lines of this person cannot get wasted and black out. When the party host is down for the count, all hell tends to break loose.
That said, you must also understand that as a host, you will run into a diverse crowd of guests. Think you know your friends and coworkers? Wait till you meet them drunk. There are different levels of belligerence and sometimes just plain douche-ness you will experience, and it’s your responsibility as a host to make sure these “problem” guests don’t cause too much trouble. Some personalities you will definitely see:
-The Now Social Butterfly – this is the guy or girl at the party who really doesn’t say much while sober, yet a few shots in s/he’ll just stop giving a damn and will be willing to meet everyone who comes in. Saying hi to everyone, and introducing him/herself (sometimes twice), he or she will have comments to say about everything that everyone says. And most of the time, these comments are funny and make him or her come off as this really great, charismatic guy or girl. You won’t run into too many problems with these types.
Pros: He or she will improve the mood of your party, perhaps sparking up conversation between people who aren’t having a good time
Con: May convert into the touchy-feely over time
-The Touchy-Feely – This guy, when drunk, suddenly thinks he’s the shit, and will hit on anything that moves. And by hit on, I actually mean touch on, so really it’s more like he has no shame when he’s next to a girl, and will put his arm around her while introducing himself. Problems involved with this guy is that the girls he does interact with at your party will begin feeling uncomfortable, and will begin to question your judgment on your invite list. Also comes in female form (though that’s more of a rarity).
Pros: Two touchy-feely’s find each other (male and female, female and female, male and male…we’re inclusive!), away goes the problem
Cons: Everything I mentioned above
-The Emo Drunk – will begin to be quite open about his or her problems after a little drinky drinky, and upon hearing his or her own problems, will let him/herself go and begin crying in self-pity. The only problem with this drunk is that the crying creates a damper that happens to be quite a buzz kill.
Pros: Your relationship with this person may grow deeper since they finally decided to confide in you
Cons: May cause everyone to start crying along with them
-Likes to shout – like the name implies, this person likes to talk – LOUDLY. And won’t even realize it. Multiple people are needed to keep this person down, since they don’t realize that your neighbors can hear their cursing.
Pros: Can’t seem to think of any at the moment
Cons: Someone’s gotta walk this person home. If you and some other person is conscripted to this task, you’ll and this other person will have a lot of good bonding time (a chance to meet new friends!)
Be wary if you have a balcony or rooftop accessibility in your apartment. Inebriated guests do some crazy shit.
People will piss off of your balcony or rooftop if given the chance. Other, more destructive guests will take what they can and throw it off your rooftop or balcony (beach chairs from the pools or houseplants).
Chapter 6 – Unfortunately, You Still Have to Clean Up Afterwards
Let’s hope you didn’t drink too much last night at your own party, so you won’t have to rely on the pictures alone to help you recall what happened.
With all these preparations you made for the party before, cleaning up is actually one of the easier tasks, with the straightforwardness of it all. There will be stickiness on the walls and the doors, cups will be everywhere, your trash cans will be overflowing, your bathroom will probably look nasty, and there’s the possibility you could contract an STD if you walk on your floor barefoot. However, cleaning up isn’t that bad as long as you’re not the only one doing it (hooray for roommates!)
There are some things you will need to do post-party. First of all, if your neighbors left you nasty messages on your voicemail telling you that they heard every footstep last night, you’d better apologize to them in the morning. For those who you recall were completely wasted the night before, give them a call to ask them how they’re feeling – it’s the courteous thing to do. Wash everything – towels, rugs, couch slip covers. If you have a carpet and your friend owns a steam-vac, call that friend up. Finally, thank your roommates extensively, and compensate them for anything that may have been stolen or broken. Offer to pay for that broken picture frame, and buy a new block of block of cheese for your roommate, since he was such a good sport about it being stolen.
And there you go! A successful party in which all your guests were entertained and accounted for. You know they had fun cause the pictures on facebook say so, as do the stories you heard to help you piece together everything that happened that night. Sure, it may have cost you a paycheck and a half to pay for everything, countless hours of deliberation and planning were put into it, and afterwards your place looks like a mess, but think about it. You had fun, right? Everybody gained memories to share years down the line, and most of all so did you (if you didn’t black out), and in the end, doesn’t that make it all worth it?
Copyright © Mark Solomon MMVIII
"has anyone given you a hugh hefner-type robe for this?"
-RI
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