laban

I'm not what you'd call a typical Filipino.

In fact, I tend to distance myself from anything that will make me seem "too Filipino."

Although that may seem quite the contrary to some people who know me (I do realize that I was semi-kinda involved in the Fil-Am community at UCLA and that I've mostly dated Filipinas), it's an issue I've been forced to deal with, given my background and the history of my family here in the States.

You see, my grandfather was the first of my family to immigrate from the Philippines in the 1930s, wherein later he brought my grandmother from the P.I. and had my dad in the 50s. My grandfather, 50 at the time and well assimilated into U.S. culture decided not to teach him our native language. My mother immigrated to the States in 1971, at the age of 14, and never returned to the country until a vacation we took in 2008, 37 years later. She can still speak the language, but given my dad's lack of knowledge of it, it was never passed down to me. By the time I was born and raised, my parents were far removed from the movement that was uprising in the country of their heritage.

So when I read news earlier that Corazon Aquino, the head of the "People Power Movement" that ousted a dictator and restored democracy to the Philippines in the 1980s, I'll have to admit, I had no idea what exactly every Filipino I know on twitter was talking about. It was the first I've ever heard her name.



Now, you see, many people I know who are of Filipino descent had parents who immigrated to the United States during this tumultuous time in the country, later having their kids and raising them here in the States. With the civil unrest still fresh on their minds, I'm sure they made sure to raise their kids with a deep appreciation for "Tita Cory" and all that she had done for the country.

Not me, however. Like I mentioned earlier, being far-removed from the political uprisings and the regime changes, my parents were not directly affected by all of this, and therefore never taught me or informed me of the significance of these events, of the struggle. So how could I truly appreciate it?

The same could be said about knowing the language. Many 2nd generation Filipinos my age have had some sort of exposure to our language in the home, and if they don't speak it already, at least understand enough to know what someone is saying. Me? Quite the contrary. You're looking at a 3rd generation baby right here, if it wasn't spoken to my dad in the home, why would it be spoken to me?

I'm not mad at my parents for any of this. Things like this are truly out of our control, and I hold no qualms against anyone on the issue. But I'm not going to pretend like it hasn't caused me at least some trouble while growing up.

Too many times, I've felt like I was never "Filipino enough" when around people who shared my heritage. I was always out of the loop when my Filipino friends would emulate a perfect Filipino accent or talk about karaoke at family parties (something I only really started experiencing after my parents purchased a magic mic). I was often criticized as being a "coconut," (brown on the outside, white on the inside) because of the fact that I didn't know the language (oh so many jokes I will never understand), and it's caused me some trouble in the dating world too (funny stories on that, if you really wanna know). Not being completely in tune with my heritage had led to a general uncomfortableness I felt when I was surrounded by too many Filipinos, an uncomfortableness that was so strong for my cousin as well that she once told me she felt more comfortable around the Black student group than she did with the Filipino one at her college.

I've since gotten over the uncomfortableness, because really, it's not a big issue. It sucked that I was reminded of my lack of cultural heritage knowledge consistently, but having grown up now I see that I shouldn't let it bother me. I'm not one of those people who will join every Fil-Am organization out there just because I'm Filipino in an attempt to compensate for my 'lack of culture' (because really, how can we celebrate diversity by joining a group where everyone comes from the same background?) I choose not to. I normally like to turn a blind eye towards race in general, especially in a world with the first Black U.S. president (though the media should really stop pointing out that fact if we truly want to improve 'race relations.' I have my own opinions on the Henry Louis Gates Jr./Cambridge Police debacle too...but I'll only delve into that if you wanna ask).

And so you now see why I am annoyed, almost offended, when people try to argue that any mistreatment of them is "because I'm brown" or "because I'm Filipino." Stop it. Get over yourself. Get out of your bubble and open your eyes to the fact that there actually are other cultures in the world. You're free to have as much national pride as you'd like, but in saying those things, you are only being a racist yourself. And do you really want to flaunt this truly self-defeating attitude?

And so I say, rest in peace, Corazon Aquino. I understand and realize your contributions to the Philippines and the world, but unfortunately, I will never truly appreciate it as much as many others who share my heritage.

"Oh they're Raider fans? They must be cholos. I mean Mexican. I don't know. I couldn't think of a better word."
-JS

I don't normally like to pigeon-hole my posts to be significant to only one particular group of people, but I'm sure there are some of you out there from different backgrounds who can relate.