let it be

So I've been thinking alot lately.

It was only a couple of weeks ago it began. I got the email, the call, the flight was booked, I made the trip, I saw the family, and then at 5 in the morning, I got the call. Nearly exactly one week later, it's finally over, so to say.

Or is it? The fact that this past week happened to be the busiest week of the quarter kept my mind off the reality of the situation. School does a good job of that for most emotional situations.

I came home again a few days ago. Spoke at the wake, lifted the casket, watched it as it slowly descended.

Being in the presence of my whole family also helped to alleviate the reality of the situation, yet again.

And so that brings me here, back LA, the land of my school and work, the home of my everyday life.

I think that's when it finally hit me. I think that's when I realized that a part of what I grew up has disappeared. Forget the fact that I moved miles away from my family, for the fact that my parents moved away from the place I called home. My grandmother, who spent years taking care of me as a child and who I spent an equal amount of time taking care of while she lived with us is, well, gone. It's difficult, because she was such a part of my everyday life when I was still at home.
But I know that she's better off where she is now. This is all an inevitability, and it is always bound to happen sooner or later.

I'm not going to try and sound all emotional, because this isn't the place for it.

Rather, I think I made a realization on the long drive home alone. Sometimes we get so caught up in our own lives we don't realize how far our heads are up our asses to realize that there is a world outside of what we do every day. I'll admit, I've been fairly self-involved as of late. But coming back to this, this grind, I realize that not all's the same. and it sucks.

Ok I'm babbling and not making any sense now. But it's my blog and I can cry if I want to.

On a lighter note, happy belated fucking valentine's day, you poor,lovesick fools. May your temporary engagement with your "significant" other end in a less emotionally scarring heartbreak. As for me, I'm never looking at that day the same again, and it won't even have to with anything remotely involving relationships.

Amazing, I actually finished an entry for a change.

"Okininam!" (the spelling is questionable, but that's what it sounded like...you Ilocano speakers probably know what I'm trying to say)
-FS