you were born for a reason

So I’d like to take some time to commemorate the one year anniversary of the day I began a new life (or if not that, at least a new stage in life). Day one of a clean slate in a new town. The day I arrived in Chicago.

I stepped off that train doe-eyed with spirits high, optimistic, idealistic, and very very unemployed. After traveling through strange middle America via the Amtrak California Zephyr (fun fact: the California Zephyr line runs along the same route of the original first transcontinental railroad) for 52 hours, I was eager to see what the third most populous city in the United States had to offer a fresh college graduate, only slightly jaded by a few months of full time work. As the train pulled into the station, I was greeted with the western side of the Chicago skyline, the Sears Tower looming over the rest of the city, a local landmark and a national icon (that also costs $15 to get to the top of. Psh.)

Reality lagging behind my child-like wonder at least gave me a few weeks before my “I’m here! I can’t wait to see what all the opportunities this city has to offer me!” attitude turned into “I’m here! Now what?” Sure, I had school to keep myself occupied, but one undergrad level class a week wasn’t enough to fill my time. The job search was fruitless and unfulfilling, and I found myself to spend more time in the basement than I would have hoped to.

But don’t get me wrong, I spent a decent amount of time doing the touristy thing and visiting, well, the touristy spots. I spent my Friday nights going out and meeting new people at social networking events, enjoying concerts and music I would have never taken the effort to go to on my own before, and discovering what was so special about having White Castle. Those who did visit me were treated to an extensive tour of the city’s diverse neighborhoods, spectacular views, and extensive array of gourmet (from fish n chips on a boat to deep dish pizza downtown.)

But reality has a way of poking its head at the most inconvenient moments. Savings don’t last forever, and there’s only a certain amount of time that one can spend unemployed and in school a quarter of a part time before they begin feeling useless and broke (about 4 months by my calculation). As such, I had to make a few ‘practical’ decisions and before I knew it, I was back in California, back in school for full time and a half for the sake of employment and purpose.

The result? I did find employment. Back in the Bay Area, so I have the “convenience” of living back at home. Did I find purpose? That’s debatable. No, what I did find was a cushy corporate job full of largely unremarkable people where the work isn’t all that exciting or rewarding and on top of that, not even that difficult. In other words, it's becoming to be increasingly disappointing and unfulfilling. But hey, it pays the bills well. Plus, it includes a benefits package that I guess some people would be pretty envious of in this economy.

Some would say I’m living the life. Others would say I’ve sold my soul. As much as I’d like to believe and trust in the former, a good part of me is stuck on the latter. But perhaps I’m being a bit too melodramatic, especially since nobody said the real world was going to be as exciting or eventful as undergrad was. And perhaps I’m being a bit harsh on myself because I’m looking at the life I was living a year ago and comparing it to today (one thing I take pride in was that I never lived in one place longer than 3 months in 2009), which only adds to the general “holy shit what the hell am I doing with my life and where the hell am I going now?” attitude which has only grown with every week I’ve been working for this very safe but very boring company.

In either case, I often wonder if I would still feel the same way, had some other factors were taken into consideration (would I still feel this way were I not living in my sister’s bedroom in my parents’ condo? Would I still feel this way were I not in the region I grew up in, an area so unbearably familiar to me?)

But for most things in life, I suppose there’s only way to find out (but it can wait…I guess I should try and enjoy these happy paychecks for a while). In other words, don't sell out! As cheesy and trite as it sounds, don't settle for something that doesn't fulfill you! They money is good and the circumstances safe, but don't take comfort in comfort zones! Otherwise, you'll end up ranting on blogs that maybe by some off-chance only a handful of people read.

Good luck to you all.

back in the day, I'm not a kid anymore

"Birthday is this Saturday and it'd be absoluetly fucking wonderful if everyone could make it! If not.. oh well fuck you die slow!"
-AN